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Monday, 31 October 2005

The idea of having children used to repulse me (I realize now that the idea having children with the wrong person repulsed me, but that's irrelevant.) I mean, why would you want to go through excruciating amounts of pain to produce something that will inevitably spend the rest of its life giving you gray hair and causing all kinds of stress?  Well, I have figured out why people have children.  Forget all that "product of love between two people" crap, people have kids to dress them up in cute halloween costumes. 
Baby Dragon

Baby Dragon!
by: DJGroovySlug at October 31, 2005 09:24 | link | comments (2) dj groovy slug takes some snaps

Friday, 28 October 2005

Adventures in Moving Out: Part 2

So I had another free day at work today and I've been scouring the personals/Craigslist/Roommates.com for hours looking at places.  I've contacted so many people I've lost track of which place corresponds to which person when I get responses.  But this one stuck out.  It was a group house, 4 bedrooms, with three males.  I'm down to live with boys, well at least I was down to live with these ones because the house is sweet and in a great location.  Until I got this response back:

 

Wow....I am speachless, I like your letter very, very much. I think you are going to be a great asset to our group. It is a very large room in the second floor and we are quiete hard working men....we do not need drama.... we are just looking for a cool roommate willing to share expenses, responsibilities and willing to give friendship and fun.



How about Saturday at 9:30 AM. Give me your phone number to schedule an appointment.

 


That's running at about a 9 on the creepiness scale. Or maybe I'm just a snob who's not "willing to give friendship and fun."

by: DJGroovySlug at October 28, 2005 14:29 | link | comments (8)

Thursday, 27 October 2005

Anatomy of a MySpace Message

The appeal of MySpace was lost on me within 48 hours after signing up and filling out my profile.  I guess it was discouraging, since most of the people you meet tend to be, well, lacking.  When I first signed up, I actually bothered responding to messages (all from males) and having conversations with internet strangers.  But now I just read - with great amusement - all the messages and friend requests that come my way, and then promptly ignore them.  Let's dissect one from today that perfectly illustrates how to fail at getting a response from DJ Groovy Slug. Here is the full text, with my comments.

Recipe:

1 part: you
1 part: me

Okay right off the bat.  Lame. It's been done.  Recipe style? I mean, come on.

add: you not getting pissed off enough already to stop reading and somehow do something bad (umm, too late)

stir gently.

i said GENTLY

What? I mean, seriously, What?

add: 2 parts conversation, 1 part you laughing, 1 part you not punching me in the face.

It doesn't really help your case if you automatically assume that my reaction to our conversation will be to punch you in the face.  Does that mean you already know you're going to piss me off?  In that case, let's forget the whole thing.

sprinkle: shredded baha fresh combo meals because that is something you said you like...and i need all the help i can get

Okay, HERE, right here, is where this dude makes his most egregious error. First of all, you spelled the name of my favorite restaurant wrong!  Baha Fresh does not exist!  Second, do your research buddy.  Baja Fresh DOES NOT HAVE COMBO MEALS.  Yes, I'm aware that in my profile I stated my love of Baja Fresh numerous times.  You should assume that means I'm able to tell that  you've never been.  Furthermore, I hate the idea of a guy taking me there simply because he thinks that it gives him an advantage on the date.  One shouldn't use Baja Fresh for date success.  That's improper use of Baja Fresh, and I find it offensive.  It's also mildly demeaning to myself, but I'll let that slide, since you said I can punch you in the face.

bake for 5 minutes
serve chilled
or serve warm
really up to you

I'm just going to copy and paste my previous statement: What? I mean, seriously, What?

or just throw in the garbage
which is probably what will happen

Wait a sec, he read my mind! Clearly we're soul mates. Okay, advice for guys: don't disparage yourself.  It's irritating. It's a ploy.  We're aware of how this works.  Girls do it too.  Stop fishing.  I'm not going to take pity on you and answer because you have already admitted defeat in your message.
----------------------------------------------
i feel like seinfeld in the soup nazi episode
no message for me?

Nice try.  Please limit all television references to those shows I explicitly state as my favorites.  Seinfeld references, while generally good, should be used with caution.  This is one of the worst applied references I have ever seen. It's not creative and doesn't mimic the situation in which it was originally used, rather just appropriates the language into another form.  The hilarity in the "No Soup for You" statement is the inane quality of soup and the fierceness with which the threat was given.  This just further clues me in that you are not that bright. Nor funny. 


I know come off sounding like a typical snooty female, the one who sits at the bar and blows off every guy who tries to talk to them.  Obviously it is really really hard for a guy to come up to a girl and say hello.  I'm not going to deny that.  I couldn't imagine doing it.  But there's this thing - it's called a "connection" and a lot of times the hit-on-random-person interactions are more forced than an actual connection between two people.  Does that make sense? I mean, really, what do I know? I'm not some dating expert.  Just do what works for you. Be yourself.  Don't force it.  Have fun. 

(But still, these messages are pretty damn funny.)
by: DJGroovySlug at October 27, 2005 09:41 | link | comments random thoughts

Monday, 24 October 2005

Adventures in Moving Out: Part I

So basically, I haven't been home in about two months.  I mean, I sleep there most nights.  That's where my clothes are being kept.  I generally shower there.  But I haven't sat down to have dinner with my parents, in, well, a long time.  I am not home most weeknights until much later in the evening.  I am never around on the weekends.  I didn't even sleep there this past weekend. I won't be sleeping there this coming weekend.  And I won't be sleeping there the weekend after that.  It's time to start thinking about moving out.

 

I know I asked my parents to stay until December.  I have...a few bills to cover from school.  And with my trip to Ecuador in December, I needed all the money I could save/use to pay bills.  But money is no longer an issue.  The fact of the matter is: this is not fair to my parents.  I'm basically just mooching off their generosity and free rent.  They are not running a boarding house, after all.  And I'm starting to get comfortable, which is troublesome.  Even though it's inconvenient, the idea of going through all that to move out sounds exhausting, especially when I'm already really busy as it is.  If I don't just sort of rip the band-aid off, I will let it sit and fester for many many months.  Just gotta make myself do it.

 

So, I started looking at the Craigslist postings today and found some great leads.  Granted, I'm receptioning today so I have all this free time, and it's amusing me.  But at least I've started the process. 

 

A few thoughts on Craigslist:

 

1) Apparently location is a vague concept that can be up for interpretation.  Yes, Fairfax is a 15 drive into DC - AT THREE IN THE MORNING ON A TUESDAY. I live in Fairfax now and it takes me about an hour to get into work every morning. 

 

2) A lot of places claim a five minute walk to the metro.  I question this, considering that I work only about 5 blocks from the metro and it is generally a 15 minute walk.  Longer if I'm wearing really high heels.  So in order for the walk to be five minutes, I'm assuming they are more or less within the same block.  Highly doubtful. One person went so far as to claim a 4 minute walk to Metro.  Where did that number come from? Did s/he actually time the walk one day? Or is it the "8 Minute Abs" theory, where the "5 Minute" claim is so prevalent that they said, "hey, I can draw a lot more people with the lure of the 4 minute walk"? I know I'm already intrigued...

 

3) Craigslist user friendly functions (or lack thereof).  I want to be able to remove any postings that are located south of the Capital Beltway, north of U St.  and east of 7th St. And just eliminate Maryland altogether. I am not a Marylander. Having to sift through is long and drawn out and really only possible today because I have so much free time. I guess I will have to start checking every couple of hours. Which will make me a Craigslist junkie. 

 

4) Right now I got 11/14 for this weeks NFL picks.  This has nothing to do with moving out, I'm just really proud of myself. 

 

5) Creepiness levels that sort of sneak into postings.  One place said: "Send a pic.  Not because we're pervs, but because it tells a lot. No pic, no interview." Wow. Just...wow. Because, yeah, saying that doesn't make it any more perverted.

 

6) Funny draw lines really do work.  The best one so far "AWESOME HOUSE W/ CHEAP RENT (And NFL Sunday Ticket!!!)." I know I don't have to tell you twice that I've already put down a security deposit. I mean, Sunday Ticket????

 

 

Okay, time to start e-mailing these people.

 

 

by: DJGroovySlug at October 24, 2005 10:23 | link | comments (4) random thoughts

Friday, 21 October 2005

One of those mornings? No, one of THOSE mornings.

I really am sort of this awkward klutz.  And a bit of a flake. I mean, haven't you figured that out yet? I got caught in a stairwell, for sobbing outloud.

Everything was going fine, I mean, as fine as you can get when it's 60 degrees and pouring rain.  Waking up: uneventful. Metro ride: uneventful.  But as soon as I get to the office building, everything just sort of crumbles around me.

They have these umbrella bags in the lobby, positioned with a sign admonishing us to help keep the lobby floors dry.  I'm a good sport, so I grab one and try to put my umbrella in. But the bags were designed for long slender golf umbrellas and my squat little umbrella would not fit.  It turned into a struggle and I'm sure the security guards had a good laugh watching me get insanely frustrated over the bag to umbrella size ratio.   Eventually I let the umbrella win this one and I got on the elevator with my half assed umbrella bagging effort (with the umbrella sort of dangling out of the bag). 

So one of our lawyers happens to get on the elevator at the same time as me and we're standing there, obeying the code of elevators.  Then we reach the floor and I go to step off....except my high heel gets caught in the little space between the elevator and the actual floor.  I didn't take physics in college, choosing to work my lab science off dissecting pigs, but we all know that an object in motion stays in motion unless acted on by an unbalanced force.  So I'm still trying to exit the elevator and my now-caught shoe holds me back, basically pitching straight towards the floor.  Luckily I manage to lose the shoe before I hit the floor and save myself. 

The lawyer, not realizing what happened, follows right behind me and trips over my shoe, still caught in that little space.  There was major awkwardness as I tried to compose myself and avoid being pummeled by the lawyer at the same time.  Luckily we didn't make contact. 

But my shoe remained in the elevator.  And in what were quite possibly the most embarrassing 15 seconds of my life, I struggled and strained to get that damn shoe out.  And the lawyer was standing by, making comments like "wow, that's really stuck in there." Go away!!! Let me deal with my shame in peace!  Oh but no, he wasn't the only one, as there had been someone standing there waiting to take the elevator back down.  And so she stood and watched the whole event as well.  Oh yeah, and did I mention that the lady sitting at the front desk watched it all too?  When I came in, she looked at me and said "You're having one of those mornings, aren't you?" ARGH!!!!

And really, all I wanted to talk about was how yesterday I went to all you can eat wings, dubbed "The Night of a Thousand Wings."  I ate 22 wings in all, and was yelled at when I ordered a sundae afterwards, because if I had room for a sundae, I had room for more wings damnit. Then my really good friend (and I'm being completely sarcastic here) had the good sense to tell me that without the sundae and pitcher of beer, I probably consumed about three times the healthy limit of fat grams in a single day.  Thanks buddy!!

Here's basket #2

Grease!

 

Yes, that orange stuff at the bottom was PURE GREASE.  Vive Night of a Thousand Wings!

by: DJGroovySlug at October 21, 2005 09:38 | link | comments (14) random thoughts

Thursday, 20 October 2005

Friday Eve Distractions

Before we get started let me say a few random and completely unrelated things.

First of all, my boss is eating an apple in his office and the sound is akin to a pack of velociraptors tearing into a triceratops. 

Secondly, take a look up at the date. OCTOBER 20th!!?!? Where the heck did October go???? I mean, I swear it was the end of September like two days ago.  Next thing I know I'll wake up and it will be 2006. And then I'll wake up and be dead.  Depressing.

Third, yesterday I was driving home and REMs "Everybody Hurts" came on the radio just as I was pulling into the driveway and I refused to get out of my car until it got to the part at the end, you know, where in the music video everyone gets out of the cars and protests the traffic (and the pain, the horrible pain). I just felt like sharing that.

I don't know how I'm going to make it until the weekend.  Let's celebrate Friday Eve with some distractions:

1. Church Sign Generator - your mind immediately jumps to the worst possible thing you can think of, sort of like trying to complete an Aristocrats joke. 

2. Sugar Bush Squirrel - Don't be fooled by his cocky stance and snazzy sweater.  Those eyes are saying "Help me."  Alas, we all know where he will end up.

3. The Dutch are Very Smart.  Best described by Gene Weingartern, "it confirms, perhaps as well as any recent evidence, that men are 1) predictable; 2) hostile; 3) immature, and 4) essentially, apes." (Note: I tried the link in IE, it doesn't allow you to zoom like in Firefox.  So if you can't see it, I'll find a way to repost it.)

4. I am stronger than most of you weak girls who cry.    Really, male chauvinism is NEVER funny. Okay, sometimes it is.

5. Best Speeding Ticket Appeal EVER. And please note that my birthday is June 23.
by: DJGroovySlug at October 20, 2005 09:17 | link | comments (5) random thoughts

Tuesday, 18 October 2005

I got yelled at at work today.

Okay, so apparently I'm not cut out to be a receptionist. Whoops.

See, FCC comment filings, that I can do.  But transfer calls? Way above my head.
by: DJGroovySlug at October 18, 2005 12:53 | link | comments (5) random thoughts

Monday, 17 October 2005

I keep my weeknights pretty full, between pilates, spanish class, and weekly dinners with P.  However, P is out of town this week and sent me a reminder e-mail that there would be no regular Wednesday dinner.  Having been so used to the full schedule, I suddenly feel incredibly lost with this open timeslot.  You mean, I actually have to go straight home after work? And just...sit around? Is that what people do? I suppose this is a good time to catch up on my online poker gambling addiction...

 

On a minor related note, I finally got the most amazing night of sleep last night, first in about two weeks.  I must have slept really really well, because I woke up at 5am feeling completely refreshed.  And at a total loss for what do do for the next two hours until it was actually time to get up and get ready.

by: DJGroovySlug at October 17, 2005 09:22 | link | comments random thoughts

Friday, 14 October 2005

I Love my Friends

An excerpt from an e-mail from my friend P:

So I found your profile on myspace yesterday, and have you noticed the bizarre plethora of Arlene look alikes on the myspace website?  I typed Arlene and got a million pale imitations of the one, true, one of a kind Arlene.  It was so wacko - same long hair, skin tone, sort of same facial structure, but not you.  Like 300+ non-Arlene Arlenes.
by: DJGroovySlug at October 14, 2005 16:13 | link | comments (5) random thoughts

Thursday, 13 October 2005

Okay, there is such a thing as karma.  Because I was so utterly useless yesterday, I would have been better off working on a typewriter in Bali while tan men wearing only grass skirts brought me frozen cocktails.  Today I knew that wasn't going to cut it so I worked my ass off, even staying an extra half hour to finish some things that needed to get done. To celebrate working hard, I made plans to get sushi with a friend, because it had been at least two weeks since my last sushi and I was due.  And that, right there was my flaw.  I was just packing up to leave when the administrator asked me to stay an extra hour and a half.

 

Let me give you time to absorb that. HOUR AND A HALF. Keep in mind, this is in addition to the extra half hour I had already put in for good measure.  Two hours longer than normal.  I should clarify that she didn't exactly ask, no, she told me to stay. There was no explaining I had dinner plans.

 

Maybe she didn't realize that I hadn't had sushi in two weeks.  Or that the friend I was going with, well, getting a hold of him is like trying to get through to Donald Rumsfield, just short of impossible.  But the point of the matter is, I was fuming.  Clearly the office gods are working their karma magic on me, punishing me for wasting so much time yesterday. 

 

Okay, okay, I repent!! (Wow, how Yom Kippur-appropriate).  No more screwing around at work! I promise!

 

Although the overtime is pretty sweet...

by: DJGroovySlug at October 13, 2005 18:23 | link | comments random thoughts